You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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