throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize