I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
