I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
