It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
