Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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