The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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