So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the day after is always just damage control
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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