u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize