I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
