I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize