So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
