I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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