its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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