my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
