I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
