the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
