we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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