god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
