Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize