On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
third nipple confirmed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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