i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize