so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
