Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize