you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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