My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
