We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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