I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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