Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
