Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
