God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
