Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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