I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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