so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
