just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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