i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
birth control should be required to get into college
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
