yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
