Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
