If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
