if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
