why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
