cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
