hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
