we're blogging at a bar
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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