Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
