Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize