Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
