Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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