i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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