party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
time to smoke my breakfast
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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