I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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