Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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