there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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