so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
