We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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