We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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