can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
