I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
