Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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