The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
