me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
