I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
