I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize