Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
