New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
