She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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