These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
